Big Show = Big Mess

Anyone out there remember a few years back the hoopla which accompanied the news that Randy Lerner had persuaded Mike Holmgren to come to Cleveland and rescue the Browns from the NFL gutter, also known as football oblivion? Remember how many of us took to dancing in the streets in celebration? (Yes, I was the one doing the Hokey Pokey).

Can’t you just picture Randy with his pals in the sauna, between bites of caviar, saying something to the effect of, “Yeah, and I only had to lay out $40 million clams to get him!” and the reaction of the others was something like, “Wow! Only 40 mil? You really saw him coming, didn’t you?” followed by a bunch of congratulatory high-fives amongst themselves?

No harm in that, really, assuming no one lost the grip of their towels during the high-fiving process. I bring this up only because the recent (latest) failure of Brandon Weeden as Browns quarterback seems to pretty much sum up Holmgren’s contributions as Browns General Manager from 2010-2012. Whenever anyone wonders why the Browns have had such a difficult time dragging themselves out of the NFL's basement, one person comes to mind as the poster boy for ALL sports failure in Cleveland:

The Big Show, as Holmgren is often referred to, hereafter referred to as simply "B.S." Hang on, that sounds rather inflammatory, doesn't it? I'll try to find something a little more politically correct as we continue on here. 

Anyway, it was only 18 months ago the Browns traded up to get running back Trent Richardson with the No. 3 pick in the 2012 NFL draft, and selected quarterback Brandon Weeden with the No. 22 selection. Yes, the same Trent Richardson whom we shipped to Indianapolis earlier this year, and the same Brandon Weeden whose only claim to fame so far in 2013 has been his ability to lose his starting job twice in less than half a season. And if you should care to hazard a guess, dear reader, as to who might have been the driving force behind those two really nifty draft picks, who might you suppose said perpetrator to be?

Yep, you guessed it: Big Mike, as Holmgren is periodically referred to (by me), hereafter referred to as simply, "B.M." Much more fitting, wouldn't you say? Hard to believe the guy who brought you Jake Delhomme and Seneca Wallace could screw up that badly, isn't it?

Imagine that: Forty million dollars to take a bad franchise (5-11 before he arrived) and make it even worse: 14-34 with B.M. in charge. Heck, I would have offered to screw up the Browns for far less than 40 million bucks -- I'd probably have done it for half that! (And, if anyone's interested, I am available).

When you think about it, B.M. or B.S., I guess it doesn't really matter, does it? It's pretty much one and the same, no matter the source.

Because, regardless of whichever one you choose, at the end of the day, it's still gonna stink.

Jeff Bing

Lifelong Westlake resident who dabbles in writing whenever the real world permits. My forte is humor and horror...What a combo!

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Volume 5, Issue 23, Posted 10:13 AM, 11.12.2013