Johnny (had better) B. Goode

“Remember May 8 on ESPN screens,
The Browns draft a player who knows what winning means.
It made fans all happy; and Jimmy knew it would,
Farmer picked a QB whom he thought would be good.
Will he work out? Only time will tell,
But the Browns bet their future on Johnny Manziel.”
Go Go Go Johnny Go
Go Go
Johnny Manziel

You’ve got to love Browns fans. No, really. Especially, every year at draft time. Year after year, GM after GM, owner after owner, failure after failure, Browns fans always choose to believe that the guys in charge will finally get it right, this time.  

Somehow, though, the Browns have shown an uncannily consistent ability to screw things up, and in epic proportions, in spite of the odds. It’s the one constant we can count on. How in the name of Mike Junkin do the Browns fans maintain their sanity?

“He’ll run around a lot to avoid a sack,
So Browns fans won’t ask Jimmy for their money back.
Johnny plays the game as if he’s not afraid,
Should stay in the pocket but at times he’s strayed.
His maneuvers simply cause some fans to say,
‘Johnny, you can’t run around back there all day’.”
Go Go
Go Johnny Go
Go Go
Johnny Manziel

Certainly, we all know you can’t rate a draft for a couple of years; sometimes even longer. Well, except in the case of the Browns, because most of their draft picks are obvious flops by the end of year one. The thing is, a first-rounder should be an impact player, hands down. I should probably be a little more specific: impact in a positive way.

How many of the Browns draftees have had a significant impact on the league? Last year we drafted Barkevious Mingo with the sixth pick. He basically disappeared after six games. The Browns, as usual, are "hopeful" which, loosely translated, means they’re trying to save face by not voicing their disappointment. And, let’s not even begin a discussion about Trent Richardson or Brandon Weeden the year before, okay? I could go back further, but what's the point?

“The Browns drafted Johnny to be ‘the man’,
Endearing him to every local football fan.
Many people coming from miles around,
Hoping he’ll spark a rally when the team is down.
But if an opposing lineman gets you in his sights,
We’ll be talking next year’s draft that night!”
Go Go
Go Johnny Go
Go Go
Johnny Manziel

So it won’t be long before "Johnny Football" headlines another Browns season. The Browns sold more than 2,000 season tickets in a few hours following his selection, so he’s already paid off in terms of hype. Now he just has to do it on the field. So, please, on behalf of Browns fans everywhere, Johnny, be good.


Jeff Bing

Lifelong Westlake resident who dabbles in writing whenever the real world permits. My forte is humor and horror...What a combo!

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Volume 6, Issue 10, Posted 9:38 AM, 05.13.2014