Halloween banter and malapropisms … bear them or not!
If you’re picking up this issue and it’s already November, we know how busy you’ve been carving pumpkins, getting the kids’ costumes ready, decorating the yard, handing out candy, brewing spiced pumpkin coffee or savoring a seasonal pumpkin brew after arduous hours of raking leaves! So what if you’ve missed the “witching hour?” There’s always next year!
All you have to do is clip this article and tuck it away with in your stash of rubber masks, freaky wigs, hats, capes, and other Halloween duds – not to be confused with Milk Duds. It will be right there when you need it! Rest assured, what follows will be just as bad this time next year!
Heads up: you might hit a small snag if your predominant wardrobe style is gothic or boho chic, since your Halloween garb may overlap with your regular wear. In this case, it’s up to you to figure out where to keep this article!
Alternately, if it’s before (or on) Oct. 31 and you’re reading WBVO Volume 6, Issue 22, this could be your lucky day, especially should you soon find yourself attending a Halloween party that’s off to a gruesomely slow start. Why? You’ll be able to pull some seasonal one-liners out of your trick-or-treat bag to liven things up. Just think! You could become the life of the party, provided they don’t ask you to leave, first.
Regardless, there’s nothing quite like being in step with the season!
Fans of candy corn may find this assortment of quotes just as corny! (So what if candy corn doesn’t taste like corn? This colorful confection surely brightens up any candy dish!)
‘Nuff said. Here goes:
“Ghoul, do you want to go out on a date?”
“Honey, when were you planning to scare up some dinner?”
“Are you sure that you’re up to the mask?”
“Don’t you know how to spell? (Woooooooooooooooo!)”
“Vaht do demon by dat?”
“Would you like to try some freshly ghosted pumpkin seeds? They’re supposed to be high in nutritional value!”
“Stop! You’re driving me batty!”
“Witch way did they go?”
“Black cats make everyone look skinny.”
“Voodoo sure make some good pumpkin bread!”
“Candy get anything right?”
“Birds chirp, dogs bark, Casper.” (Think about it ... meow!)
“The Halloween thriller was so spellbinding, the critics are raven!”
“After working 16 straight hours without taking a break, the production manager felt so sleepy and hollow by the time he got home, he didn’t know whether to sup or hit the hay! The poor soul!"
“Aren’t you looking forward to sitting down on Thanksgiving and goblin some turkey?”
“Howlin’ the heck are you doing?”
“To be or not zombie, zat is ze question!”
“You’ll find him sitting at his desk right behind the next apparition!”
If your friends look at you askance, tell them you’re a Yogi “It ain’t over ‘til it’s over” Berra-file, and that you liked his baseball, too!
Hope this column has left you in good spirits! Aren't you glad it’s over now?