Test your sports IQ

One thing is for sure about Cleveland sports fans: they love their trivia. Because of that, every couple of years or so, I run an annual "Test your sports IQ" challenge. The great thing about this is: even if you’re not really into sports, anyone can play. Of course, you’ll probably embarrass yourself, but it’s not like I can stop you or anything. That being said, the correct answers will be revealed at the end of the quiz, and I – at no additional charge  – will assess your knowledge (or lack thereof) of Cleveland sports. Sound fun? You bet, Bucco. So, without further ado, let the games begin …

1. The Cavs’ trio of LeBron James, Kyrie Irving and Kevin Love are often referred to as:
A. The Big Three
C. The Three Amigos
D. The Three Stooges
E. The Four Horsemen
B. The Big Mistake

2. Who is the oldest betwixt the following personalities?
A. Jason Giambi
B. Moses Cleveland
3. What does “betwixt” mean?
D. Can I borrow your eraser?
E. Amos Moses

3. Who is the bigger crook amongst the following?
A. Jimmy Dimora
B. Jimmy Haslam
C. Jimmy Crack Corn
D. And I don’t care…
F. When you say “bigger,” is that in a literal or figurative sense?

4. If you could wish for something to disappear, what would it be?
A. The Browns’ record since 1999
B. The Indians’ record since the Dolans took ownership
C. The Cavs’ record without LeBron
D. The Cavs’ record even with LeBron
E. This column, especially its author.

5. A recent survey found that Cleveland fans regard the following as their most important sports priority:
A. Bringing back Bernie Kosar in an administrative capacity
B. Bringing back Bernie Kosar in a non-administrative capacity
C. Bringing back Bernie Kosar as a TV commentator.
D. Bringing back Bernie Kosar as quarterback of the Browns.
E. Hiring Jim Brown or Ray Rice as special teams “hitting” coach.

6. What is former Dallas Cowboys defensive end Ed “Too Tall” Jones’ nickname?
A. “Shorty”
B. “Two Tall”
C. “To Tall”
D. “Two pence”
E. Phone a friend

7. If the movement to ban Chief Wahoo as the icon of all things Cleveland Indian is successful, what would you consider to be a logical icon replacement?
A. Terry Francona riding his scooter.
B. Terry Francona riding your scooter.
C. Ray Rice putting a choke hold on Chief Wahoo
D. Mr. “Brohio” himself, Nick Swisher, putting a choke hold on the Dolan bank account.
E. Paul Dolan giving the Johnny Manziel "money" sign.

8. Let’s suppose Jimmy Haslam lost the Browns due to his alleged Pilot Flying J misdeeds. If he served time in the pokey, what would be his best career choice upon his release?
A. Politician
B. TV repairman
C. Ed FitzGerald’s (latest) campaign manager
D. Replacing Montel Williams as the Money Mutual spokesperson.
E. Replacing Miss Cleo on the Psychic Hotline.

Bzzzzt! Okay, time’s up; pencils down. The answer code is as follows: 1. G; 2. 7; 3. I forgot the question; 4. See answer “F”; 5. 30 or 31, except February, which has 28; 6. What?; 7. The Washington Redskins logo, as soon as they pitch it; 8. New "Sporting Views" writer for the Observer. Now, award yourself 1 point for each correct answer.

So how’d you do? If you got 9 or more points, you have a future as a CPA. If you got 5-8 points, you know your Cleveland sports. If you got less than 5, you need to spend more time reading the Observer, and less time keeping up with the Kardashians. Which reminds me: Anyone who partook in this quiz has been gifted a one-year subscription to the Observer. All you have to do is visit any of the hundreds of establishments which carry this fine paper, pick up the latest issue, and say to the clerk at the counter, “Jeff sent me.” Not to worry: the puzzled look on the clerk’s face is simply a “coded” acknowledgement of Jeff’s generosity. Hey, it’s what I do this time of year.

Which brings me to my final thought: Have a wonderful holiday season, and a blessed New Year.

Jeff Bing

Lifelong Westlake resident who dabbles in writing whenever the real world permits. My forte is humor and horror...What a combo!

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Volume 6, Issue 25, Posted 9:41 AM, 12.09.2014