More than just a game

When it comes to great summertime fun, nothing beats a day down at the ballpark. So – not having had the opportunity to see the Indians in action “live” yet this season – I thought it would be nice if my wife and I took in an Indians game.

The weather was great on Mother’s Day, and being the big spender that I am, off we went. Actually, if you want to get technical, a guy at work won the pair of tickets in a raffle and didn’t want to go (“The Tribe stinks!”) so he unloaded the tix on me. But nobody else has to know that, right?

Once there, most people probably would assume that we simply took our seats in the ballpark and enjoyed all the excitement the MLB experience has to offer. However, that’s not entirely true. If you keep your wits about you and really listen, there’s so much more to learn about – not just baseball – but really important aspects of life. Just consider all the worldly points discussed during the game:

FINANCES: “Hey Tribe! I’ve got internet stocks in better shape than you!” Bet you didn’t know you could come to the ballgame and get investment advice, did you?

EXERCISE: “Hey Swisher! Put down your wallet and swing the bat ... it’s lighter!” They don’t tell you this kind of stuff at the local gym.

ARCHITECTURE: “Hey Ramirez! I’ve seen better swings on a porch!” I’m pretty sure Frank Lloyd Wright was the first person to say this.

FAMILY: “Hey Rzepczynski! My grandmother throws harder than that!” It’s nice to know family is always in one’s thoughts.

MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS: “Hey Moss! The steroids aren’t working!” Why deal with a rude receptionist – not to mention a high co-pay – when you get this for free?

OBJECTIVE COMPARISON: “Hey Chisenhall! Even Greg Little would have caught that one!” A very subtle method of informing someone that his game still needs a little work, no?

PLIGHT OF NATIVE AMERICANS: “Hey Tribe! You guys are so bad, even Chief Wahoo has asked for his unconditional release!” Providing he can beat the fans to the exit.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: “Hey Perez! Maybe you’re left-handed and just don’t realize it!” Sometimes, all it takes is an approach from the other side.

MOVIES: “Hey Hayes! Ben Affleck is a better Bat-man than you!” Personally, I’m still trying to get over Ben’s performance in "Changing Lanes."

GENDER EQUALITY: “Hey Murphy! You throw like a girl!” It’s heartwarming to know we can now put that male dominance nonsense behind us.

While space – as well as local decency laws – prohibit the listing of everything that was said at the ballpark, I hope this opens your eyes as to what you can learn by spending a day at an Indians game.

Although next time, maybe I’ll ask my wife to tone down her comments just a little.

Jeff Bing

Lifelong Westlake resident who dabbles in writing whenever the real world permits. My forte is humor and horror...What a combo!

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Volume 7, Issue 10, Posted 9:44 AM, 05.19.2015