This is only a test

As I was watching the Bengals administer a beat-down of the Browns on the telly (that’s what we call it across the pond) the other night, I thought now might be time for you – as a highly-motivated sports fan – to have your sports knowledge checked. I mean, you go to the doctor on a regular basis, right? You go to the dentist on a regular basis, right? So why should your “sports health” be any different?

This will be a word association quiz. I will provide you with a name or phrase, and you choose the word or phrase that best matches the item given. What could be easier (other than finding something better to do with your time)?

So stop arguing with me, and answer the questions. You’ll be a better sports fan for it.

1) Ryan Rayburn

    A) Going

    B) Going

    C) Gone

    D) A, but not B

2) I’m thinking of 9 million dollar signs ($)

    A) Duane Bowe

    B) Cross Bowe

    C) Ox Bowe Incident

    D) Dumbowe

    E) Johnny Manziel after way too many energy drinks

3) A train leaves the station in Cleveland at 4 p.m. traveling at 120 mph. Who would you like to see on it?

   A) Mike Pettine

   B) Ray Farmer

   C) Candidly, Jimmy Haslam

   D) More candidly, the entire Browns organization

4) Chernoff

    A) A cheap Smirnoff knockoff (say that fast 10 times)

    B) How it sounds when someone who’s been into the Smirnoff tries to say “sure enough.”

    C) The Indians’ new General Manager Michael.

    D) A “Chern” which is not “on.”

5) Several years ago, the media scoffed when former Browns President Mike Holmgren uttered the famous line, “Don’t come to me for extra playoff tickets.” Who’s laughing now?

   A) Holmgren, while sipping drinks with umbrellas in them (perhaps with the vodka mentioned in question No. 2 above).

   B) Joe (I AM the President) Banner

   C) Randy Lerner, who sold the team for a cool billion dollars to, candidly, Jimmy Haslam.

   D) Chris Palmer (first Browns coach after the team “returned” in 1999)

6) What is the most likely reaction from Johnny Manziel upon learning he would start at QB against the Bengals on Nov. 5?

   A) “Gulp” (not meant in a “drinking” kind of way, but in an “Are you serious?” kind of way).

   B) “Forget you; I might get killed out there”

   C) “Yabba-dabba-do”

   D) “How is Josh feeling?”

7) What did Mike Pettine say to GM Ray Farmer with regard to owner Jimmy Haslam after Farmer was caught texting a coach on the sideline last year?

    A) “The Ranger’s not gonna like it, Yogi.”

    B) None of the above.

Okay kids, pencils down. FYI: Anyone who gets a perfect score will win an all-expense paid trip to the Mike Pettine “NFL Coach of the Year” award ceremony at the season’s end. Yes, folks, I’m that kind of guy.

I'll let you know how you fared when I get done grading all the exams. And thanks for playing.

Jeff Bing

Lifelong Westlake resident who dabbles in writing whenever the real world permits. My forte is humor and horror...What a combo!

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Volume 7, Issue 22, Posted 9:20 AM, 11.17.2015