The ultimate two-party system

Ever wonder what it’s like being the guy who writes the “Sporting Views”? Actually, and this is a little more to the point, ever wonder what the wife of the guy who writes the “Sporting Views” thinks about all this?

I’ll bet there are a few of you out there who are curious, and if there are at least a few of you, I won’t have to worry about my readership numbers taking a hit as a result of me choosing this topic.

First, perhaps a little history about my wife: Patti and I met 46 years ago in the field behind St. Bernadette church in Westlake. Ironically, we would be married at the same church seven years later (much to the chagrin of her parents).  

Anyway, when we first met, she didn’t care much about sports. Invariably, her questions about the Indians, Browns and Cavs were pretty generic and predictable: “Are the (insert team name here) any good this year?” And then she’d ask who the opponent was. And then she’d ask if the opponent was any good, to which I’d offer my considered opinion, along the lines of “Yes,” “No,” or “Your guess is as good as mine.”

So I set out to change her. (Obviously, I was young … and very, very naïve). I mean, what kind of relationship can a couple have if they don’t have some common interests? If you can’t have an honest conversation about home runs, touchdowns, or the 24-second shot clock, what the heck is the point, right? So we spent countless hours, weeks, months even, going over the fine points of professional sports in Cleveland.

Let me tell you: it wasn’t easy, especially in the beginning. There were discussions, arguments, even insults thrown on occasion. And it usually even got worse when we started talking about sports! But I must say, after almost five decades of intense schooling on my part – I’m a stickler for detail if you haven’t noticed – the fruits of my labor began to bear some, uh, fruit. The difference is like night and mid-morning. Check this out:

Today, a mere 46 years after “school” commenced, she still doesn’t care much about sports. Invariably, her questions about the Indians, Browns and Cavs are pretty generic and predictable: “Are the (insert team name here) any good this year?” And she’ll ask who the opponent is. And she’ll ask if the opponent is any good, to which I’ll offer my considered opinion, along the lines of “Yes,” “No,” or “What’s for dinner?”

It just goes to show what a couple can accomplish when food is the key.

Jeff Bing

Lifelong Westlake resident who dabbles in writing whenever the real world permits. My forte is humor and horror...What a combo!

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Volume 8, Issue 10, Posted 9:42 AM, 05.17.2016