Nuthiní from nuthiní leaves nuthiní

The old Billy Preston tune came to mind as I was thinking about the Browns and how they will fare in the upcoming season, and the song title pretty much sums it up. In fact, Browns owner Jimmy Haslam might want to seriously consider it as the Browns “fight” (or lack thereof) song. 

Now, just in case the masses have forgotten, a year ago I predicted on these very pages that the Brownies would finish the season at 3-13, and you know what? Perfect prediction. I don’t like to brag – well yeah, I kinda do – but in the office pool at work I also predicted the Indians would have a 93-69 record this year, including a trip to the World Series. As of this writing, the Tribe was sailing along with a .576 winning percentage. Now, apply that percentage to 162 games and you get something like 93.3 victories by the Indians this year. So, you’re not dealing with the prognosticating equivalent of chopped liver here. Just sayin’

But, lest I digress (again), let’s get back to the Browns. Before I give you my prediction of the team’s won-loss totals, I want to state – for the record – that the Browns will make a lot of coaches look very smart this year. The problem being, of course, that none of the coaches will be on the Browns’ staff. 

Yes, what I am saying, folks, is that the 2016 Cleveland Browns will not only be bad – they’ll be epically bad. In our expansion year, 1999, we eked out two victories. If anyone out there can remember that year, it was really nasty. Unfortunately, I predict that when the 2016 season is done, Browns fans will embrace 1999 as the “good old days.” Because I think the 2016 Browns have the right combination of no talent on the field and mismanagement at the top to tap out, and go 0-16 for the first time ever.

Last season when I made my football prediction, I played the “schedule game” and gave my thoughts on each opponent. This year, I figured, “What’s the point?” I mean, if they are going to run the table (in reverse), why break down the opposition? Every team is clearly better than we are; it’s just a matter of whether or not the margin of loss will be respectable, bad, or downright horrific. 

Not to fret, however, since there is an upside: think of the suspense that will build as the Browns go 0-11, 0-12, and so on. Will they be able to do it? The only real threat to the Browns’ quest for the record books is a Dec. 24 visit by the San Diego Chargers. The Chargers won only four games last year, and their season will have probably ended at least a month before they visit Cleveland. Now, if it’s about 10 degrees here outside come Christmas Eve, the Chargers may pack up the truck, so to speak, and not show up (figuratively). But that’s the only real threat I see to the Browns in their quest for "nuthin'.''

The Browns want another boatload of high draft choices? Rest assured, my friends, they will have them. We can only hope that someday they will figure out how to use them.

Jeff Bing

Lifelong Westlake resident who dabbles in writing whenever the real world permits. My forte is humor and horror...What a combo!

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Volume 8, Issue 17, Posted 11:05 AM, 09.07.2016