Read this column (if necessary)

As most of the baseball world (at least that which is centered in Cleveland, anyway) watched the Indians dismantle the mighty Boston Red Sox in the first round of the MLB American League playoffs, the Wild Card Toronto Blue Jays were doing an even more impressive number on the top-seeded Texas Rangers.

The first thing that went through my mind as this was occurring was, “Awesome … now we’ll have four home games against the Blue Jays (if necessary).” Immediately, that got me to wondering why, whenever there is a playoff series in any sport, the schedule always lists all the possible games but with the disclaimer “if necessary” for the games which are dependent upon the distribution of victories in the playoff series.

I mean, if we know going in that a series is best-of-seven or best-of-five, do the schedule makers really think that our level of math ineptitude is such that we need someone to explain and update us, on a game-by-game basis, how many potential games remain in a given series?

For instance, if two teams split the first two games of a best-of-seven series, do the powers-that-be think we will be left wandering the streets, in search of a math whiz who will explain – in layman’s terms – the dynamics behind calculating the minimum number of games necessary to determine a winner?

Is it because sports fans are considered to reside relatively low on the intellectual food chain? Because, and let’s be honest here, you don’t see this “if necessary” nonsense elsewhere, do you? When was the last time you were driving on the highway and saw a sign that read, “Left lane ends in 500 feet … merge right (if necessary)?” Or, how about “Turn right on red (if necessary)?”

See what I mean? Nobody’s going to turn right if they had intended to go straight, are they? Not a chance! There are bazillions of car accidents every day in this country and yet the deep thinkers who make such decisions still don’t believe anyone is dumb enough to warrant the conditional “if necessary” verbiage at the end of their posted driving instructions.

Apparently we sports fans are of a different ilk. Then again, we do shell out exorbitant sums of cash from our menial jobs to pay for tickets, food and souvenirs for the privilege of watching grown men play kids' games, don’t we? 
Hmm … maybe they are on to something.

Then again, there's a reason "fan" is short for "fanatic," right? Maybe we should look at the presumed insult more as a badge of honor than a derogatory term. At least, we always have that option (if necessary).
Go Tribe!

Jeff Bing

Lifelong Westlake resident who dabbles in writing whenever the real world permits. My forte is humor and horror...What a combo!

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Volume 8, Issue 20, Posted 10:21 AM, 10.18.2016