Making an extra point after 'Perfect Season' parade

Can’t anybody in this town take a joke? Two whole decades of football ineptitude and suddenly people are afraid that holding a "Perfect Season" parade (after the Browns bucked the odds and went winless for an entire year) would make the city of Cleveland look … bad? Seriously now, could a silly parade possibly be any sillier than what the Browns accomplished – or more to the point, not accomplished – in the Jimmy Haslam ownership era?

Actually, I’m reluctant to answer my own question, because every time I think they cannot possibly get any worse (and I’ve thought that many, many times since 1999), the Browns – bless their hearts – go out and show me just how wrong a guy can be. And, let’s be honest here, I never thought I’d look back at a record of 1-15 in 2016 and think of those as the “good old days.” Come to think of it, coach Mike Pettine’s record of 7-9 in 2014 should automatically qualify him for a Vince Lombardi award … or something. I’m sure he’s having a good laugh somewhere.

There are many who suggest that anyone who participated in this so-called “farce” of celebrating the epitome of imperfection was not a "true" Browns fan. I have to assume those who imply something along those lines must be a true Browns fan, no? Maybe it’s time to decide what constitutes a true Browns fan then. What do true Browns fan do that these (apparently) phony baloney fans don’t? Are they the ones who sit at game after game and cheer helplessly from the beginning until the end, knowing full well that oftentimes the Browns fielded talent that would be hard pressed to beat the Cleveland State football team (if Cleveland state even had a football team). Is the true Browns fan the one who year after year renews his season tickets, getting the same results, and scoffing at the fact that their actions fit the classic definition of insanity? Oh, heck yeah, I wanna be like them. Where do I sign up?

The funniest thing about the whole parade thing is that the grand marshal was WMMS radio shock-jock Rover. Now, I don’t listen to the guy – never have. But I do know that he has never been confused with the great philosophers of the world. He agreed to be there for one reason: his own publicity. But, if his presence brought any more attention to the joke that the Browns organization has become, then I’m all for it.

I believe that if Haslam had done the logical thing and fired Hue Jackson – owner of the all-time worst two-year coaching record in NFL history – the parade thing might have dried up on its own. But Jimmy felt “continuity” was more important to the organization, so Hue will get a chance to add to his already mighty record. Well done, Jimmy. And I sincerely hope you enjoyed the parade; you truly earned it.


Jeff Bing

Lifelong Westlake resident who dabbles in writing whenever the real world permits. My forte is humor and horror...What a combo!

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Volume 10, Issue 1, Posted 9:32 AM, 01.09.2018