Occupants of Tribe teepee can make one weepy

They start out by telling me, reassuringly, that it's a long season. Then they tell me there's still plenty of time.

Well, you can tell "them" for me that based on the quality of Indians baseball I've seen so far, it's already been a l-o-n-g season. And as far as that "still plenty of time" remark goes, I'd like to know: Still plenty of time for what? A lobotomy? In which case sharpen the scalpel and cue the anesthesiologist, because anything's better than this. I'm ready, doc.

Okay, we knew going in that the bullpen might have issues. But c'mon now ... nobody ever thought it could be this bad. The Indians bullpen has more issues than Charlie Sheen, and the smart money says Charlie might get his problems straightened out sooner than the Tribe does. And while we're at it, where's Bob Wickman when you really need him? Bobby, we hardly knew ye.

Oh, and FYI ... while the Indians might tell you that Dan Otero is on the disabled list with arm issues, don't you believe it. The fact of the matter is that Danny boy suffered severe whiplash following the flight all of the laser shots off the bats of opposing hitters when he was on the mound. He probably ought to seriously consider a personal injury lawyer. Come to think of it, so should anyone sitting in the outfield stands when he, Cody Allen, or almost anyone else out of the bullpen is on the hill. Innocent civilians could get hurt out there.

The heck with the netting behind home plate; they ought to net the whole playing area – and maybe a couple of blocks beyond the Progressive Field bleachers. While we're at it: Put up some flashing light towers so small aircraft won't be in danger of getting nailed by a tattooed baseball.

Can someone explain to me how one of the best defensive teams in baseball last year can suddenly look like a reincarnation of the Bad News Bears? I understand that it's purely an instinctive, self-preservation evasive tactic to try and avoid many of the rockets that are launched off the opposition's bats, courtesy of Tribe pitching, but this is ridiculous. Did you ever play bumper pool and watch the ball bounce around like it had a mind of its own? That's what I think of when I watch the Tribe attempt to turn a double play. It's like the infielders' gloves are made of concrete. Come to think of it, are they even wearing gloves? Tough to say with any certainty.

And take the hitting ... please! Then again, do we even refer to it as "hitting" when they clearly aren't? And yes, they have had a few games where they looked to be awakening from their season-long hitting slump, but then they lapse right back into it. And it doesn't really qualify as a slump anymore; it's more like a coma. Pull the plug, Tito.

Yeah, maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe the Tribe will get the bugs out and start playing decent ball again. Maybe there is still plenty of time.

Or maybe, as Yogi Berra once said, "It's getting late early." 

Jeff Bing

Lifelong Westlake resident who dabbles in writing whenever the real world permits. My forte is humor and horror...What a combo!

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Volume 10, Issue 10, Posted 9:32 AM, 05.15.2018