'Cleveland Got Run Over by Some Bad Luck'

So how about we all join hands and sing a Cleveland version of that sentimental old Christmas Classic, "Cleveland Got Run Over by Some Bad Luck" with apologies to Elmo 'n' Patsy for basing my song on their hit, "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer."

(And I would venture to guess this is the first time anyone has apologized to them).

And a one, and a two, and a...

Cleveland got run over by some bad luck
The likes of which we find hard to believe
You can say that you don’t mind our record
But most of us in Cleveland would like to heave

Baker tried hard to be a hero
Though we’d hoped he wouldn’t play
But Coach Stefanski’s intuition registered zero
So their record stands at 6-6 today

All we’d like on Christmas morning
Is a win-loss record that does not spell doom
And it would sure be nice to have a QB
Who isn’t better off in the emergency room

Cleveland got run over by some bad luck
The likes of which make us want to cry
You can’t tell us that guy is Baker Mayfield
When we swear he’s a lot more like Charlie Frye

Now, we’re not ones who enjoy crying “bad luck”  
But Jimmy Haslam’s taking this so well
Oh, we forgot that he’s still making millions
You can’t lose money as an owner in the NFL

It’s not like it’s our first Christmas mired in bad luck
Experience with losing football we sure don’t lack
But when Jimmy mails out next season's ticket renewals
Do we opt in for more torture or send them back? (Send them back!)

Cleveland got run over by some bad luck
The likes of which we find hard to believe
You can say that you don’t mind our record 
But it’s play like this that made Pat Shurmur leave

Yes our cards are on the table
With football dreams forever big    
But the only way the Browns will all be winners
Is if Jimmy Haslam decides to try a brand new gig

I’ve warned all my fellow Browns fans
That they’d better call the cops 
You don’t want to have an owner
Who made a fortune hanging out at truck stops

Cleveland got run over by some bad luck
The likes of which we find hard to believe
And you can say there’s no such thing as bad luck
But we think it’s time for Jimmy to take his leave

Sing it, Jimmy

Cleveland got run over by some bad luck
The likes of which so dang hard to believe
But after a decade of Jimmy Haslam
We’re now sorry Art Modell ever had to leave!

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah!