More labels, please!

For all the monikers describing people (and their deeds), should there be a label for those who abandon shopping carts in store parking lots? In addition to blocking prime spaces, with a little help from the wind, stranded carts can roll into and damage parked cars. Photo by Brett Luengo

An extraterrestrial visitor observing Westshore inhabitants might note our penchant for labels. Some residents favor designer labels and clever product names can be catchy. Labels serve to warn and inform. So, what about “people” labels?  

Often slang, certain monikers stick while others simply don’t. Like poodle skirts and bell-bottomed pants, some are instantly recognizable by the decade from whence they originated. Others endure, just like denim jeans.

Beatniks, dudes, dorks, racks, greasers, preppies, cats, nerds, geeks, jocks, mods, bimbos, biddies, cougars, geezers, space cadets, freaks, grease monkeys, girly girls, bigwigs, fuddy duddies, molls, dollies, hipsters, hippies, yuppies, yippies, bridezillas, and milennials merely scratch the surface of ways in which to describe social, physical or behavioral characteristics.

As long as people are people and speech is free, “people” labels will survive and the list will certainly grow  Some obvious omissions come immediately to mind.

What about morning people and those who are NOT-morning people? They are easy to spot in the right setting. Give it a try at your next seminar where breakfast is provided. Morning people (“the early bird catches the worm”), are go-getters. They’re jabbering away and passing out business cards like candy.  

The not-morning people are subdued and linger in close proximity to the coffee urn, refilling half-empty cups with hopes that the java jolt will jumpstart their engines. As the program is about to get underway, the not-morning people shuffle to their seats, fumbling their cups and plates as morning people are making lunch dates.

Perhaps the lack of sassy appellations explains why morning and not-morning people haven't made the moniker list to date, as could be the case for the next ilk of individuals who are best described as those who return shopping carts to stores (or parking lot corrals) and those who do NOT return carts.

It is difficult to distinguish them at grocery stores that require deposits on carts or at those that do not permit customers to leave the store with carts. It is easy to identify them within seconds of pulling into the parking lots of other supermarkets, superstores and garden centers. It’s just a supposition, but those who take carts back may be considerate individuals who respect their property and that of others. They know that on breezy days carts can roll away, dinging car doors and blocking prime parking spots! 

Those NOT returning carts may reason that people are paid to round carts up and never give it a second thought. If the same individuals collecting carts might otherwise be bagging groceries, it’d speed the check-out process and benefit all shoppers!

While on the subject of shopping, what about the space invaders who cram their way between you and the product or merchandise you are looking at, effectively invading your personal space, breathing your air, and trying your patience! Add them to the list!

By now, our extraterrestrial has seen enough and is hoping that the spacecraft left in the lot is okay!