The New Year in briefs

Hello, January!  

Remember “Old Man 2014,” long beard, flowing robe, and all? Well, Father Time is yesterday’s news! Cherubic “Baby New Year” with his Jan. 1 debut sporting a diaper, top hat and sash is “in!” 

A reliable Westshore resident recently revealed that Baby New Year has since donned a snowsuit and is bracing for the balance of the Northeast Ohio winter that December forgot. 

With wonders of technology, some local folk opting to spend a cozy New Year’s Eve at home may have taken the opportunity to welcome Baby New Year multiple times by using their remote controls to switch from celebration to celebration across multiple channels and perhaps even time zones!  

Anyone watching New Year’s Eve event coverage couldn’t help but notice that some entertainers were anything but (covered), including those not sporting much more than Baby New Year, himself! 

While cabarets are no longer the sole domain of undergarment-like styles and haven’t been for years, remember reading here first that the display of underwear trend may be on the verge of changing. 

Women are already accustomed to designer prices for lacy lingerie intentionally exposed, but it’s plausible that young men, especially, who’ve dared to “show a little” (underwear above their beltlines) may soon start concealing their unmentionables. Why? Stylish skivvies are becoming cost prohibitive!  

The affordability of flashing elastic bands bearing (baring) designer names may soon take a backward slide. Forget darning socks, with undie prices what they are, area residents may find it necessary to start patching holes in their Jockeys! (“What is meant by darning socks?” younger readers may query. “Is that like cursing?”)

Ask this, instead: why is it that area TV news outlets ballyhoo low gasoline prices ad nauseam but “hit the mute button” when it comes to the escalating costs of men’s furnishings (especially) and ladies’ lingerie?

To illustrate this point, check with anyone who ventured to buy a practical Christmas gift last month. Take thermal underwear, for example.

Who among these unsuspecting souls suffered sticker shock when strolling into a department store and finding a pair of non-couture long johns (actually not a “pair,” just the bottom piece) for a jaw-dropping $39.50! Consider that the cost of both a top and a bottom could be approaching the price range of a party dress!

If pressed with a choice, is it to keep area dads warm while blowing snow during sub-zero wind-chills, or send high school daughters to Bay’s SnoBall dance or Westlake’s Winter Formal?  

At least when it comes to socks, a pair means two, giving you more for your money! Consider “one piece” of advice that isn’t speculative at all: if coming across discounted drawers for bottom dollar, buy low!  

Good luck, Baby 2015! Current events tell us that your agenda is already full, but maybe, just maybe, if you could uncover a massive underwear price-fixing scheme, lobby for subsidies for those who can no longer afford boxers, and explain how such a scant amount of material can cost so much, please do!

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Volume 7, Issue 1, Posted 9:45 AM, 01.06.2015