No way to tame 'blame the name' game
With all the hoopla surrounding the (suddenly) inconceivable manner which this country has blatantly – and I might add, without my approval – named some of their professional sports franchises, I say…
It’s high time we saw all of the lowlifes and ne’er do-gooders for what they are: instigators of evil, and it all starts with the name of your local pro sports franchise. Yes, it took some time (I never go quietly) but I, too, now see the error in my ways in rooting for a team called the (cover your ears, children) Indians.
I have recently taken a “vow of clean conscience” and I feel all the better having done so. And, my brothers and sisters, in doing so, I now see how we have erred ever so deeply in many of the names of sports teams that (dis)grace the uniforms of many of our sports teams in our fair country.
The following is a list of the most blatant offenders, followed by what I find wrong with the team name. I hope you’re as aghast as I:
Giants: Seriously? You realize that by celebrating big people, you’re implicitly diminishing the attributes of those not quite so, um, giant. Frankly, it’s pretty rude and I think someone who only sees things “big picture” needs a timeout. Go to your room and think about what you’ve done.
Bills: Honestly, did you have to go and poke fun at those who might be having a little trouble making ends meet? Good grief, why didn’t you just name the team the Payday Loans and call it a day?
Twins: So, let me see if I understand this. In a country that boasts how everyone is unique, you go and call out those who grow up living with a carbon copy of themselves? For shame, for shame. You need to write a letter of apology to those you’ve offended … in duplicate!
Red Sox, White Sox: A word to the wise, bub: before you just start running around willy-nilly naming your sports teams, invest in spell-check, okay? Sure, “Sox” is cute and all, but the fact remains it’s spelled S-O-C-K-S, Mr. Webster. And while we’re at it, Red Sox conjures up connotations of the Cold War and communism. You should be ashamed of yourself, comrade.
Wild: This is how spectators are urged to become, presumably right after visiting their favorite Brewers, right? Can’t we just tone it down a little?
Predators: Hopefully it’s not even necessary to explain what’s wrong with this nickname. Understandably the favorite of perverts everywhere, it kind of makes one wonder if it was just your imagination, or if you really saw something up the road a bit (but not within 500 feet of an elementary school). Cue Jethro Tull’s “Aqualung.”
Hopefully, you’ve found this article both enlightening and disturbing – enough so that you’ll think twice about supporting teams that have the audacity to insult your – no, make that our – intelligence so callously. Damn those Indians!
And hopefully, you also know when someone’s pulling your leg.
Lifelong Westlake resident who dabbles in writing whenever the real world permits. My forte is humor and horror...What a combo!