Jimmy's cracked up, and I don't care
You’re probably familiar with the old saying that “if life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.” Well, life (as it relates to the NFL) gave us a lemon when they allowed Jimmy Haslam to buy the Browns, but I doubt that all the shaking, stirring, or even voodoo that Clevelanders can employ would exorcise the sour taste Haslam’s ownership of the Browns has manifested.
Of course, maybe we should try to make bubble tea instead. With the maniacal ever-shifting “direction” that Haslam has used in his decade-plus leadership of the Browns, Jimmy being placed firmly atop the bubble is exactly where he belongs. (Now, if only I had a pea-shooter to make that bubble burst … I mean, Jimmy burst our Super Bowl dreams quite some time ago, didn’t he?)
I will be forever miffed at the relative lack of significant backlash to Jimmy Haslam’s ineptitude in running the Browns (and make no mistake: Jimmy’s the guy who drives the milk truck which delivers the spoiled product to Browns fans on a yearly basis).
Jimmy Haslam is the toilet paper stuck to the bottom of the shoe known as Cleveland. And, unless you’re at a Charmin convention, toilet paper on the shoe is typically not a welcome sight – and Jimmy Haslam shouldn’t be, either.
Maybe it’s simply that he’s NOT Art Modell (but I thought enough time had passed to bury that emotion). Or maybe it’s that he’s NOT Randy Lerner, who was guilty of the unpardonable sin of caring more for his soccer team than the Browns. (Although, in Randy’s defense, his dad was the guy who wrote Randy into the will, not Randy.) The last possibility is that Cleveland fans, who have put up with a litany of lousy professional sports owners, give Jimmy a ton of bonus points for trying while ever-hoping that someday Jimmy will get it right.
Unfortunately, the reality for Clevelanders is that we are stuck with Jimmy and Dee for, well, as long as they want us to be stuck with them – which, from where I sit – already borders on eternity.
So, if we acknowledge that Jimmy will be here for some time, what can he do to get out from under this mess that he calls a football team – assuming he won’t sell the team out of frustration? Here goes:
First, he has to reclaim as much of the future (otherwise known as draft picks) as he can. One way to do this is trade Myles Garrett for picks.
Not too many people complain about Garrett, which is surprising. Don’t get me wrong: Garrett is a good to very good player. But he’s not a No. 1 draft choice (you know, the kind of guy whose mere presence on the field makes the team better). The Browns are always looking for someone, they claim, to “complement” Garrett. Directly translated, it means the guy needs help to be at his best. Again, not what we’d hoped for or expected.
Eerily similar to Jimmy.
Lifelong Westlake resident who dabbles in writing whenever the real world permits. My forte is humor and horror...What a combo!