Browns' season predictions (Part Deuce)

When we last met, we were predicting how the season would play out over the Browns’ 17-game schedule. Through 7 games, the Browns were expected to be 2-5. Will their fortunes change? Let’s continue on and find out…

Week 9 vs. Arizona (4-13 last year): The Cardinals were a big disappointment last year, but on paper, should be much improved. Same with the Browns, and after much deliberation, I see the Browns eking this one out at the end. Browns record skyrockets to 3-5.

Week 10 at Baltimore (10-7): The Browns, after losing a very winnable game at home against the Ravens in Week 4, travel to Baltimore with high hopes. Unfortunately, their lifetime record in Baltimore is horrific, and so is the Browns’ effort, and they get clobbered as their record drops to 3-6.

Week 11 vs. Pittsburgh (9-8): The Steelers are in uncharted waters – no All-Pro QB at the helm – and the Browns knock them off by 14 points, moving up to 4-6.

Week 12 at Broncos (5-12): This is the game I see as the turning point in the Browns’ season, as the Broncos are awful, but have been a pain in Cleveland’s posterior since the Elway-dominated AFC Championship games forever ago. The torture continues as the Browns commit 5 turnovers and manage to lose yet again, falling to 4-7. Stefanski blames the thin air; fans blame the thinner game plan.

Week 13 at LA Rams (5-12): Browns lose their second consecutive game to a team that was 5-12 last year – by 18 points – and the vultures are circling over Kevin Stefanski, as the team falls to 4-8.

Week 14 vs. Jacksonville (9-8): With the wheels about to come off, Browns win a game they were expected to lose, and with playoff hopes on life support, climb to 5-8.

Week 15 vs. Bears (3-14): Browns finally discover that they can beat a bad team, and route Chicago by 20, movin’ on up to 6-8.

Week 16 at Houston (3-13-1): Browns finally discover they can beat a bad team on the road and route the Texans by 24. Bolstered by a 3-game winning streak and a record of 7-8, Haslam extends Stefanski’s contract by 5 years. Dee Haslam tries to schedule Jimmy for an emergency lobotomy.

Week 17 vs. Jets (7-10): With a packed stadium and Browns fans at fever pitch (only in Cleveland do you go this crazy over a sub-.500 football team), Browns jump out to an early 17-3 lead and lose in OT, 27-24. Now 7-9 and playoff hopes a memory, Stefanski resumes updating his resume.

Week 18 at Cincinnati (12-4): Despite Cincinnati resting most of their starters as they prepare for the playoffs, Browns play like a team that has nothing to play for and get drubbed, 34-13. Watson requests a trade from the (now 7-10) team. He should be so lucky.

*Note: Some of you may question my use of the word “deuce” rather than “two” in the column title. I chose “deuce” because, more than 300 years ago, “deuce” was attributed to bad luck, the devil, etc. So, when you consider the play of the Browns over the last quarter-century – which feels more like 300 years – what could be more appropriate than “deuce”?

Remember: Never doubt your all-knowing columnist.  

Jeff Bing

Lifelong Westlake resident who dabbles in writing whenever the real world permits. My forte is humor and horror...What a combo!

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Volume 15, Issue 15, Posted 9:39 AM, 08.15.2023